Are you obsessed with someone you’ve never met? The dark side of parasocial relationships, explained.

You're scrolling through Instragram. You pause on a post from your favorite lifestyle guru. She's sharing her morning routine, complete with a perfectly framed latte and an inspirational quote. You've never met her, but you feel like you know her.

You've watched her videos, read her captions, and maybe even bought products she's recommended. In your mind, she's more than just a stranger on the internet, she's become a confidant - of sorts.

This is the essence of a parasocial relationship. It's a term coined in 1956 by sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl, long before the shitstorm of social media. They described it as an "illusion of face-to-face relationship with the performer."

What Horton and Wohl couldn't have predicted was how the digital age would supercharge these connections, creating a web of one-sided relationships that are eroding human relationships and creating an emotional whiplash of faux-intimacy.

The Psychological Allure

The idea of forming attachments to people we've never met might seem strange in the abstract. But the truth is, parasocial relationships are acting on fundamental human needs in a uniquely modern way.

Dr. Riard, a psychologist specializing in digital behavior, explains,

"A parasocial relationship fills a social need, basically what it's doing is filling a validation, acceptance, and a place of belonging need."

In an anxious, terrified, polarised, post-COVID world our real-life connections are fraught and complex. And parasocial relationships offer the safety of connection without the threat of vulnerability.

We’re not talking about edge cases here. We’re talking about ourselves. We’re talking about the lonely college student who finds comfort in the daily vlogs of a charismatic YouTuber. The middle-aged professional who feels a kinship with a podcast host who seems to articulate their innermost thoughts. These connections provide a sense of belonging and understanding that can be profoundly comforting. Even if it’s all a fucking illusion.